In this tragic photo you can clearly see the progressive stages of post-punk hair in the goth species. This trio is well-known to researchers in the field, who have often witnessed the less-impaired specimens (center and right) gently leading their nearly-blind companion to local watering holes and caches of clove cigarettes, as well as steering him away from dangerous corridors.
Log Entry 2/8/2014
Reminder: meet with Dr. McSexcakes regarding alternate plans for enclosure cleaning and maintenance. It’s all well and good to simply hose down all the hard surfaces, but then the hypermasculine specimens squabble for days because they no longer have the latest urine marks to assure them of the current social hierarchy.
Goths in the Park..
Shhh, don’t feed them, don’t look just keep walking.
Omg, they’re on the telephone wires… watching us… all over the playground… QUICK RUN INTO THAT PHONE BOOTH AND CALL FOR HELP!
Goths are a largely non-aggressive species, but if you’re going to go around carrying black lipstick and clove cigarettes in your purse, you can’t blame them for acting like the wild animals they are!
Depeche Mode’s courtship behavior is nearly indistinguishable from social grooming. Also, it’s adorable—and that’s a scientific fact you can rely on!
The Clash in Belfast by Adrian Boot, 1977
The Clash in the wild just before being captured.
Remember, if you see one in the wild do not approach! They have very sharp teeth and a bite that is prone to infection.
No matter how sweet and cuddly they may look in the zoo a wild animal is still wild!
This strong, proud alpha hipster displays his status through the careful grooming of his beard. Although some naturalists feel that there are complex meanings behind the shape of a hipster’s plumage, our experience with the hypermasculine specimens has taught us that anthropomorphizing non-human species is dicey at best, and often poorly supported by current science. Nevertheless, we feel certain that this mighty creature’s exotic beardform has made him the envy of all the other hipsters in his blasé.
Lions are fed frozen blood during the heatwave in Melbourne
aka the most metal popsicle
We’ve tried this with our hypermasculine specimens during the sweltering summer months, but as it turns out, strong brown liquor won’t actually freeze.
[Color photo of Robert Smith moping in an enormous clump of grass]
Thats not actually Robert its just some Goth.
Are you sure man they’ve even got those hideous trainers I mean what goth in their right mind would wear trainers
Hey maybe Andrew should start wearing trainers to throw us off his scent
A huge fan of The Cure thats who. But to me the hair just looks too bright (even in that lighting) also the face is a bit pale compared to Roberts. And it might sound weird but it just dosent feel like a photo Robert would have taken of him. plus the only place I can find this image is on Tumblr (which says it is in its tags) but I dont get any matches from Cure websites or anything.
This is beautiful I think we just found the last of the Research Goths
Considering how I did months of research on Goth (watching videos about people discussing Goth culture,reading articles on the music/culture and actually listening to the music) BEFORE EVEN DYING MY HAIR FOR THE FIRST TIME maybe I am one.
QUICK, DR. MCSEXCAKES, FETCH THE NETS AND TRANQUILIZER DARTS. We’ve needed our files properly indexed and organized for ages.